My Prison Had No Walls and My Bondage Had No Chains
Back when I was six-years-old, my brother and I were walking on a frozen lake thinking that we were in a park when the ice gave way. I fell in and my brother grabbed me, and then he fell in too. While I was saved by him, no one was able to save him.
At my brother’s funeral, the priest said that the good Lord needed him, so He took him. Well, I didn’t know how to deal with so much pain, hurt, anger, loneliness and after two weeks, I couldn’t handle my brother being gone any more, so I decided to go where he was and that means death.
So one day in my closet, filled with hatred towards God for taking my brother, I pulled a blanket up to my chest and pretended to be dead. I found a lot of joy and peace in this, but after the second or third time that I did that, I heard a voice that mocked God. It made me feel really good to know that I wasn’t the only one that hated God. Within a short time, I heard such mocking and such hatred towards God that I just felt like whomever this is really understands me. So I just kept getting into my pretend coffin more and more.
Then one day I heard a voice say, “I love you, and I care a lot about you. God is ruthless and doesn’t care about you.” So at the age of eight, my hatred of God increased a lot. Then I started developing severe nightmares. So my parents suggested I see a priest. But my spirit friend said, “I will give you words to say, so don’t be afraid.” It was right. The priest did not know how to help me.
Then one day at age nine, I went into the spirit world and had my first demonic vision. I saw myself putting an ax in my dad’s skull. But my spirit friend said, “Don’t tell anyone, because if you do, you will be locked up forever.” I then knew my friend was real, because I could hear him crystal clear. About a year later, I now had several spirit friends, and most of them I could see. But Raw was a spirit friend that scared other spirit friends, because his name was “war” spelled backward.
By now I encountered a spirit that amazed me because he was nice and he would say I love you deeply and it’s too bad God doesn’t see any value in you. Then he said can I come live inside of you, so I said yes. Then he started to tell me what I needed to do to end all the pain. Several times he would say you should just kill yourself because no one really cares about you. Since I love you if you die we can spend hours together every day.
Well as time went on I started drinking a little bit here and there, and that really caused my friends to be more active that lived inside of me. By age twelve I started haveing a strange desire and fascination with Hitler, then for no reason I decided to hate all colored people. It seemed fun and all my spirit friends really liked it. See, I wanted to please them, because the more I pleased them, the more they would say, “We love you and care about you.” By age fifteen, my severe nightmares stopped, because I became friends with a spirit called Nightmare, but my other playmate spirits were more loving.
By sixteen, most friends of my from school wanted to look at pornography, so I just pretended to like it, too, but actually I was thinking about how to kill people or myself. I considered Ted Bundy,Charles Manson and Hitler to be very interesting men, and I knew they were controlled by spirits or communicated with spirits.Then one night right before I turned 17 I was sexually touched for the first time by a spirit.It was like a large like lizard but in the form of a woman.
Then I was introduced to the Ouija board at seventeen, and my friend said it was boring, but I heard it growl at me, and this really turned me on. So I quit being into racism, and I dived into occultism.So many people I knew that Ouija boards were just a joke but I knew something came out of the board every time I played with it. By age eighteen, I began developing a really bad habit of taking cocaine and meth, but my spirit friends let me know that from my childhood, God had been my problem, and I was to hate those that followed Him.
My friend Suicide spirit was now really starting to point out just how worthless life was and how I deserved a better life but because I wasn’t a great athlete or very attractive he would say please kill yourself because God doesn’t want you and why would you try to survive through this miserable life.
Well as I got older I fell in love with a person I will call Angel. Angel was so patient and perfect in so many ways. As time went on I fell deeper in love with her and I was really thinking about marrying her. Well my cocaine, Meth habit and alcoholism destroyed the relationship. Well, when I graduated from a treatment center I heard that she was going to marry a friend of mine, so I told a social worker I am going to kill Angel. Well that got me into a ton of trouble but I saw it as she was abandoning me just like my brother did.
Well later on I got heavy into Satanism. Well because I knew I was losing my mind and I was becoming more and more evil I tried to over dose 3 different times, but since that didn’t work I took some pills and drank a bottle of whiskey. Well, I felt so condemned and unloved now because the one person I did feel love from, I threatened to kill. I was constantly being tormented by condemnation, self-pity and several other mental problems so I was in and out of psychiatric wards and Rehabs. I had so many sexual partners but nothing could take the pain of losing Angel.
While in there, I was diagnosed with many different mental illnesses. But that was really funny to me, because these spirits spoke through me and confused everybody. One day in another ward, I heard this real gentle voice say, “I love you, my child. Please call out to me.” But after I heard that voice, it seemed like all hell broke loose.Because now I wondered could God love someone so evil and wicked?
After getting out of another rehab, I went to a friend for help, and he took me to the wealthiest tarot card reader in the state. This woman read Tarot cards for doctors and attorneys. But while we were in her kitchen waiting for her to get done reading cards for a doctor, she called my friend into the other room and said, “What in the hell are you doing? Don’t you realize the spirits in him are by far are more powerful than the spirits I deal with?” After that, we were ordered to leave.
Well, because I was able to get the Ouija board to move around in so many ways, I started scaring all my friends. Well then my friend called Suicide said you are just as cursed as we are now God can’t accept you; you have failed at everything in life so why you are still fighting me please end all this suffering now. So in complete desperation I was so confused about why a loser would still be alive then my friend the spirit of Suicide said I love you and I care a lot about you but God made so many mistakes about you that He is just cruel and so unloving so I decided it was time to take my life.
For the first time in my life I felt so happy and I literally saw at least 5 demons that day saying we will meet again, now go through with it, so I went and saw my new girlfriend one day in the afternoon and she said today is a good day to die. So we went in her bathroom in her apartment and she put her hand over mine, with the razor forced on my other wrist and she pulled back really hard.
Well I felt good knowing that I finally slit my wrist with my girlfriend standing over me. Blood went everywhere, she was getting really excited but I think I was in shock because she pulled back again and again; pretty soon we were both covered in blood. Well then she said you can’t stay here, they will accuse me of murder so I got in my truck with blood going everywhere. But I didn’t know where to go so I went and saw a friend but he said you can’t stay here because I am having a party tonight going on here and if you die that would look bad.
So I jumped back in my truck and drove around but then I blacked out and I found myself in an emergency room, then I blacked out again and woke up in a psychiatric ward, then I was told that I was only 2 minutes away from bleeding to death. Then I got out and found out my psychologist took his life. But I failed even at slitting my own wrist. So I just gave up all hope now, thinking ok I have no choice but to hang myself.
I so desperately wanted to find a way to get hold of Angel but I knew she was now scared of me and most of my friends saw me as a freak. I was dying because of so many medical problems because of all the drugs and alcohol. I had no food and no money for medications. So I knelt down at my bed and asked God to kill me or show me some type of happiness.Then it happened!!!
Well Christ Jesus came through my ceiling and wrapped his loving arms around me and said to me dear child Timothy, I have been waiting for you to cry out and ask for help. Then He said from this day forward you will no longer desire all the drugs and alcohol. You will no longer need your anti-depressants because I am going to restore you emotionally and mentally. Then He said I will restore your body because you have been called to do great things for my kingdom and you will go all over telling people about my love.
Well after living in several states I finally found a place that I can call home. Then shortly after we moved to this new city I was greatly blessed with a good friend who actually became my mentor and loving spiritual father, Dr. Dean Helland is a professor up at Oral Roberts University.
For 20 years I had to fight a lot on my own because I couldn’t find anyone to stand with me because my past was so evil. I ended up breaking all evil soul ties and getting my soul restored.I decided to take a class on getting restored.
Well as I was going through with this class a dead woman appeared before me and said will you please contact my children and my husband to let them know I am in a better place? Well when I rejected speaking with this dead woman because I knew it was a familiar spirit, the spirit of Suicide came to me and for the first time in my life I stood up to him and said in Jesus Christ name I rebuke you. For several years I got turned on sexually by tasting blood or looking at blood, but then I was set free. My bondage didn't have chains and my prison didn't have walls but for so many years I lived in sever bondage with walls all around my mind.
Praise God! Praise God I’m free. See If you have ever done anything cruel, wicked, perverted, sick, disgusting, evil or just wrong in any way please realize Jesus Christ can and will forgive you. Just cry out to Him, ask him to forgive you and He will forgive you.